Tuesday, February 16

New Years 07?

A true story that might make you think less of me than you probably already do.
Once one New Years I had the good fortune of being used as a pawn in a lesbian couple's tryst. One girl was pissed off at the other for not fully coming out of the closet or something like that and decided to use me as a way to get back at the other. As such, I found myself on someone's parent's bedroom floor getting heavy handed and tactile with some girl I barely knew; as all of this is going on the other girl comes in and says something, then we all started kissing. It sounds like the kind of thing someone would make up, and sure, up until then this sort of scenario had been the sort of thing I'd had dreams about, but my luck being what it is, it didn't take long for this tryst to turn in to a nightmare.

Whilst I'm alternating between girls I notice that there happens to be a lot of blood around one of the girl's groin. We assume it's maybe that time of month for her, and everyone involved is pretty mortified, most of all me. I get up, compose myself and tell the bleeding girl and her girlfriend not to tell anyone about what's just happened. As I'm washing my hands in the bathroom, I notice that there's actually a large gash just below my middle finger, I return to the room to explain the situation (the lesbians are arguing and looking upset) and I see that the whole time we were doing whatever, there had been a broken Pimms bottle on the floor which I must have cut my hand on.

At this point I'm super psyched because:

a) I'm 17 years old and have just been fooling around with two girls at the same time and
b) I just found out the blood on my hand wasn't period blood, as I had previously thought.

The girl who I had bled on (in?) is super pissed off because I have just bled all over her genitals. She and her girlfriend have a go at me for a while, but I can't stop smiling and laughing. I leave the room and proceed to tell my two best friends what had just happened, they laugh and grimace accordingly. It's probably the most disgusting and insconsiderate thing I have ever done, but I really can't put in to words how glad I am that some drunk cooze didn't get period blood all over my hand.

I probably deserve to die alone because of that, sorry girls, whatever your names were. And sorry to whomever had to wash the blood out of the carpet and off some of the walls.

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