A married couple...

...are sitting at the breakfast table, the Husband says to his wife

 "Would you care for an orange?"

His Wife replies:

"Only if it truly loved me."

i smoke roll ups without filters sometimes, this is because i'd like to be a writer but have no discernible talent and i feel that taking up a self destructive habit will make up for inability to write anything compelling, interesting or more than a paragraph long.

it'd be cooler if said habit was womanising, but i don't have the looks to be a womaniser, nor do i know or come into contact with all that many (attractive) women.
it'd be edgier if it was (or is that were?) alcaholism, but i can't drink for more than a half hour without falling in to a stupour.
it'd darker if it were drugs, but they make me more of an obnoxious bore than i already am.

so, smoking roll ups without filters will have to do for now. i could try reading more or actually spend time trying to develop ideas and a unique style of writing, but at the end of the day i'm just too lazy.

its a shame that the only thing i've ever been good at is probably - i can't even finish this sentance because i can't think of anything remotely witty to say.

i'm about to watch the new cohen brothers film. i'd like to fall asleep soon.
xx

be excelllent to each other

Must frustrating dream yet. SO Im in a room watching bill and ted's excellent adventure and the princesses they hook up with towards the end are on it and they look really hot. And then I'm reading a magazine from the 80s and they both sort of appear in at my door, kinda old but strangely young looking, they didn't like come out of the tv or anything, they just always sort of lived near by and I didnt know.

At first I think one of them is a massive bitch but we start making out pretty hard, rage kissing if you would. And its getting to that point where I'm taking my clothes off and shit and then suddenly about a thousand people (literally my whole family) burst into my room and keep popping in and out, each time they leave i get a little bit closer to sleeping with this person and each time the act gets interrupted.

I dont even get to open the condom packet by the time I wake up. I've had some pretty weird "sex dreams" but this was the absoloute worst, I have never woken up so frustrated, it felt like it was real, that real un-immitable blue balls feeling. There is genuinely nothing like it.

And that was last nights dream.

Think I had one the night before that was like a mixture of reanimator or and puppet master, I lived in a world where lifelike cyborg dolls were like house hold pets, one of ours died and our flat mates were really upset (the dolls have lifelike skin, but when this one died it sort of turned into rock and it felt horrible). Meanwhile Herbert Westwood (I think thats the guy's name from reanimator) is pouring that green elixir into the bodies of dead dolls.

In this dream I am the hero of it all and I guess Im getting closer to whats going on but before I even manage to find out I get killed by someone, think I died a couple times in this dream. Woke up pretty early and pretty creeped out.

Weird.

More weird dreams

Dreamt I was Mark from peepshow, spent a long time trying to lure two annoing teenagers into my cellar and gas them to death with Zyklon B.

Dunno what I dreamt about last night though.

Went to Rough Trade for a freshers thing last night, a girl was really rude to my friend Anna.

I'd spent hours talking to the girl in questions a couple weeks ago when she'd first moved into halls. Crux of it was that she was a boring self obsessed art girl.

The kind of girl whose bullshit you would only tollerate if you were really really trying hard to get laid, and even then you'd only half listen.

Most girls a my university are like this. I'm gonna strangle 'em all.