Saturday, December 27

Weird dreams

Dreamed there was a nuclear war or something like that and I was stuck at a friend's house. Really wanted to get back to my house but I couldn't. I can't remember what else happened, but I remember taking a bus and a plane to canada and maybe dying.


Wednesday, December 17

1,2,3,4,5 so many friends!

There was this girl named Sophie I went out with for about a month when I was about 15 and even though I absolutely knew she was cheating on me (a lot) I had no idea what to do about it, we'd go on dates, and we never made it past first base despite the fact that I had it on incredibly good authority that she was DTF.

I had less of a spine back then than I do now.

There was this girl Holly who I met when I was sixteen and hooked up with just before I'd turned eighteen, our "relationship" consisted of her trying her absoloute hardest to piss me off and me whining about it to Matt. I told her to shut up on our first date, heck I even stopped in the middle and told her to "be quiet" once when we were doing stuff cause her Debbie does Dallas style caterwalling was just getting to be too much.

She bothered the hell out of me and I remember I broke up with her at a party not more than ten minutes after she got there, felt so good!

Once I was sat in Thomas Neal Centre reading a comic book in the little caffe bit and there was this girl sat across from me who worked in one of the shops, she was reading a book.

We both kept looking up and sort of half exchanging pleasant looks, like maybe one of us would talk to each other. None of these looks were sustained for more than a second though and it was until some weird old gay guy came over and started asking me the most bizzarre questions about my life that she started looking in my direction and smiling without pause. I was incredibly uncomfortable so I pretended I had a phonecall and left.

I finally took that walk I was talking about, it was only from the bottom of new cross gate to the top of jerningham road (basically from the bottom of the hill to the top) and lasted about four songs but it was pretty much the best thing i've done in a while, just powering up a hill in the freezing cold listening to some awesome tunes (prefab sprout guys, look that shit the fuck up) and enjoying my own company. Then I got to Jack's house and smoked some hash, it was like a little reward!

Life feels really good right now, which I guess serves as a testament to exactly how fickle I am but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts and hopefully it will. Its always good to be happy.

Monday, December 15

My moustache is getting thicker

Of all the things I regret now and of all the things I will no doubt grow to regret in the future, I regret most that I never took learning the guitar as seriously as I should have when I was younger. I got one for Christmas when I was twelve, I had a few lessons at school and there was a point where I was steadily getting better at it.

I'd probably be at least semi proficient by now! There's still time to learn though right? I heard the Hispanic guy from metallica didn't start learning till he was like sixteen and look where he is now!

I've got a head full of idea really but nowhere to put them, I'm friends with a lot of visually and aurally creative and talented people and I deeply envy the way in which they're all able to express themselves. I guess I can pick up a pen or sit behind a keyboard and do that whole thing relatively well, but bitter rants and critical essays aren't particularly nice to look at or listen to.

I spoke to some guy doing music at Goldsmiths about this once, he said I should "just try".

I guess there's nothing wrong with trying.

Oh by the way, I had a weird dream where zombies had taken over my university and the only safe place was anna's student halls, but they weren't in new cross they were in russel square.

Thursday, December 11

i am your lady and you are my man

Did you ever read that one Garfield strip where he finds out that the guy who owns him has been dead for like five years or some shit and he just lives in an empty house hallucinating about being a dick and eating lasagne?


I saw it once, was pretty mind blowing

the above is the last original calvin and hobbes strip

Thursday, November 27


Is this friendship like a cocktail party at which we speak with no direction or end just to circumvent silence? That's what our words do. Is that why we're friends? I'd rather be an ass hole than accommodating and conversational. I'd rather be an ass hole than fractional. I'm a party animal. I kill conversation.
"I think I'll take that as a compliment!"

"Well, that is how it was intended"

Thursday, November 20

Monday, November 10

look at yr game girl

One time I crushed up some vitamin tablets and paracetamol and sold it to two hipsters who thought it was coke.
Easiest forty pounds I ever made.

Wednesday, November 5


"the jig is up" says a ghost i used to sleep with
i want to bring her back to life in that room again.
to lay her right there on the operating table.

Monday, October 27

A married couple...

...are sitting at the breakfast table, the Husband says to his wife

 "Would you care for an orange?"

His Wife replies:

"Only if it truly loved me."
i smoke roll ups without filters sometimes, this is because i'd like to be a writer but have no discernible talent and i feel that taking up a self destructive habit will make up for inability to write anything compelling, interesting or more than a paragraph long.

it'd be cooler if said habit was womanising, but i don't have the looks to be a womaniser, nor do i know or come into contact with all that many (attractive) women.
it'd be edgier if it was (or is that were?) alcaholism, but i can't drink for more than a half hour without falling in to a stupour.
it'd darker if it were drugs, but they make me more of an obnoxious bore than i already am.

so, smoking roll ups without filters will have to do for now. i could try reading more or actually spend time trying to develop ideas and a unique style of writing, but at the end of the day i'm just too lazy.

its a shame that the only thing i've ever been good at is probably - i can't even finish this sentance because i can't think of anything remotely witty to say.

i'm about to watch the new cohen brothers film. i'd like to fall asleep soon.

Friday, October 3

be excelllent to each other

Must frustrating dream yet. SO Im in a room watching bill and ted's excellent adventure and the princesses they hook up with towards the end are on it and they look really hot. And then I'm reading a magazine from the 80s and they both sort of appear in at my door, kinda old but strangely young looking, they didn't like come out of the tv or anything, they just always sort of lived near by and I didnt know.

At first I think one of them is a massive bitch but we start making out pretty hard, rage kissing if you would. And its getting to that point where I'm taking my clothes off and shit and then suddenly about a thousand people (literally my whole family) burst into my room and keep popping in and out, each time they leave i get a little bit closer to sleeping with this person and each time the act gets interrupted.

I dont even get to open the condom packet by the time I wake up. I've had some pretty weird "sex dreams" but this was the absoloute worst, I have never woken up so frustrated, it felt like it was real, that real un-immitable blue balls feeling. There is genuinely nothing like it.

And that was last nights dream.

Think I had one the night before that was like a mixture of reanimator or and puppet master, I lived in a world where lifelike cyborg dolls were like house hold pets, one of ours died and our flat mates were really upset (the dolls have lifelike skin, but when this one died it sort of turned into rock and it felt horrible). Meanwhile Herbert Westwood (I think thats the guy's name from reanimator) is pouring that green elixir into the bodies of dead dolls.

In this dream I am the hero of it all and I guess Im getting closer to whats going on but before I even manage to find out I get killed by someone, think I died a couple times in this dream. Woke up pretty early and pretty creeped out.


Wednesday, October 1

More weird dreams

Dreamt I was Mark from peepshow, spent a long time trying to lure two annoing teenagers into my cellar and gas them to death with Zyklon B.

Dunno what I dreamt about last night though.

Went to Rough Trade for a freshers thing last night, a girl was really rude to my friend Anna.

I'd spent hours talking to the girl in questions a couple weeks ago when she'd first moved into halls. Crux of it was that she was a boring self obsessed art girl.

The kind of girl whose bullshit you would only tollerate if you were really really trying hard to get laid, and even then you'd only half listen.

Most girls a my university are like this. I'm gonna strangle 'em all.

Monday, September 29

Weird dream number...5#?

No idea where I am in this but the crux of this dream is that I get asked out of a date by two different women and have to miss one to go on the other but both fall through. I spend a lot of time running through a mall and Jim Carrey slides down to Earth from the sky and back into the Heathens again on spiderweb made of his own semen.

I went to a freshers event today, the first of many. Dunno who was more charmless, me or the people there.

Happy jewish new year

Thursday, September 25


Howard stood at the foot of the mountain and contemplated the journey ahead of him; It required so much strength and energy. It would take character and courage, he had neither of these.

Saturday, September 13

Saw a mountain. Took a deep breath. Blew it away.

I did nothing today.

Friday, September 12

Weird dream...4?

I think something had happened and the world had ended, but not in the sense that it wasn't there anymore - more like governments had disbanded and prisons abandoned in such a way that the inmates were "free" but couldn't actually leave the prison itself.

Anyway, I find myself in such a prison with another person...this person happens to be oriental for some reason. It turns out I can bring people to life who have died by reciting a bible passage from the book of genesis or something bizarre like that and me and this other guy are walking around the recreation grounds of the prison (a big metallic room, sort of like a sports hall where everything is metal) bringing people back to life and making them immortal or something.

Eventually I'm like "fuck this, I'm leaving". We weren't even like prisoners, just missionaries or something.

I try to leave by walking to the other end of this metallic room, but all the prisoners are armed for some reason and its incredibly scary. I manage to sneak past this huge black guy with a shot gun, but at the last moment, this scrawny little guy throws a machete at me and it gets lodged between my shoulder and my neck I think.

Then I woke up.

I'm moving to New Cross on Monday. I've been thinking a lot about that. For the next three years or more, I'm living on a knife edge.

Monday, September 1

Weird dream...3

No idea what was really happening, kid from my school fell on some train tracks and died, I looked away for a while and someone saved his life. Brought him back to life.

Starting to exist on separate sides of a coin...
University, dunno when I start.

Going crazy

Wednesday, August 20

you look nice

Discover Music Am!

"You and me in the back seat of my mini metro"

Can't sleep, everyone shut the fuck up.

Sunday, August 10

weird dream 2

Dreamed I was living in a hostel in Sweden or maybe Czechoslovakia. Later on I'm in the desert or maybe an island or both. It's the end of the world and I'm with a bunch of teachers, one of whom had just killed a dog, either by breaking its jaw or by suffocating it with a bag. Or both?

Turns out we didn't need to kill the dog cause we had loads of food.


Spent ten or so days in europe drinking it up and having a great time, lots of funny shit happened, met some of the coolest people I'll ever meet.

I was happy, then I was unhappy and then back round again. Felt a little paranoid too.


Thursday, July 24

Weird dream

Was on a plane in this dream. People started shooting, bullets were ripping through everyone and I'm running like a coward to the front of the plane, but there's no point cause I'm gonna die anyway right?

Bump into an unconventional yet attractive looking girl, ask her to kiss me cause we're gonna die anyway. Not sure if we kiss before she dies, because she did get shot, but that's after the fact really. I asked a pretty girl to kiss me and I don't think she declined.

If I'm ever the victim of a terrorist attack....

Thursday, June 19

A short story about nothing

Police came to my door, ask me if I touched her.
"How do you mean officer?"
I have an honest face. I smile nervously. Bastard barks tactless obscenities, asks me if I "fucked" her. Can you believe it, an officer of the law asking me if I've fucked a girl that age?

I won't answer him. I won't give the sadist the satisfaction.

Saturday, April 26

I love children

Baby's babies got dropped in a blender
Baby your babies are itty bitty bits
Barnaby, Bartleby, Bertram and Larry
Too many chunks for one guy to carry.

Sunday, April 13

dicks, dicks, surrounded by dicks.
dicks, dicks, dicks, dicks, discs and dicks.
dick. dick. dick. dick. dick. fuck.
dicks shitting dicks from dicks made of dicks.
so many dicks.
So. Many. Dicks.