So, we're sitting on my sofa and we've been talking for a while, but I run out of shit to say. I can see her attention slipping away from me. For the little its worth I try to breathe some life in to the situation. I start off easy with some generic spiel about how hot it's been these last couple of nights,
"Weather's something else these days, doncha think?"
She takes the bait, we're both boring the fuck out of each other, but things could be worse. For a while we chit and chat about the clothes she plans to buy this summer. She gabs and I listen, watching her lips move. They purse and they pout from time to time, I get a couple glimpses at her teeth, they're in good shape.
When I think she isn't watching, I look her up and down like a judge at a dog show (believe me, the analogy fits) I ask where her dress is from, I don't really care but its a tight dress and I'm in dire straights over here. Trying to talk up my big lie a little more I attempt to lure it all in with some light humour and some trademark self depreciation. I laugh a little at my own sorry jokes, she feigns the same but neither of us are fooling anyone.
Still on the subject of summertime and how humid it's been, I pull out one of my classic deal breakers:
"Yeah, no, Tell me about it! I fell asleep in the clothes I wore last night and I woke up soaked! At first I thought I'd pissed myself but it was just sweat. Y'know. Hah!"
"Oh, right, haha"
I'm a lot funnier than this usually, not that she'll ever care to know. Really though, I'm a laugh riot. Really. Anyway, a wave of silence hits us and I know we're both spent.
"Yeah, I guess I sweat a lot."
I know that she knows I'm pathetic as shit but I figure I'll take one last swing at the bat, maybe peddle off some anecdote about the last time I got high, but She makes some sort of excuse and gets out of it. I say it aint a problem, tell her I'll see her around, pretend to check my phone like I'm waiting for someone better to turn up.
"Nice meeting you too."
I spend a moment or two wondering what I'll beat off to tonight. I head to my room and move my hand around for while then fall asleep.